More Bad News

So last week sucked. Completely and totally. After two miserable days of putting Jack in day care, and picking him up with a filthy face and looking at the morons that I'd left him with, and spending 3.5-4 hours driving so I could work for 3, I decided to quit. Frankly, it doesn't feel like it was a decision. I honestly didn't feel like I had any other option. It was still one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time.
Colonel Ford asked me to finish another issue, so I spent the weekend scrambling for some sort of babysitting option for Jack. A neighbor's nanny is going to watch him for 5 hours once a week until I finish the job. There's a small chance that I could get a job at Nat Geo, but at this point what I want more than anything in the world is to be able to sell my book so I can stay home with Jack. I don't want to put him in day care, even if the job is awesome, because I don't want to miss watching him grow up. At the same time, I feel like I need an income. It's so hard being a woman sometimes!
As I predicted, the agent who had taken forever to get back to me on the partial sent me a rejection yesterday. Her email was kind but vague, so I wonder if perhaps it was actually a form letter. I also got a rejection from the agent I queried right after I wrote my last entry. I queried two more agents yesterday to keep things moving, but I'm starting to lose hope. I still have one full and one partial out, but that's it. My stats had seemed pretty good up to a point, but now the rejections are mounting and I haven't gotten any requests for materials in a while.
One slightly encouraging thing - I was looking on an agent web site yesterday, and one person said she had sent out 115 query letters and received 99 negative responses, 16 positive ones, of which two were offers of representation. Perhaps I just need to start playing the numbers more? I dunno...

Down to the Wire

First, an update: After I posted last week I received a rejection from an agency I wasn't expecting to hear from, so now I have a total of 8 rejections. Just to make myself feel better I queried another agency, but they're pretty big so I'm not counting on anything. I guess I'm getting desperate, because last Friday my boss essentially told me that if I don't put Jack in day care, I don't have a job.
If money were no object, I would quit immediately. I always told myself that I wouldn't put my baby in day care, and I certainly don't love this job enough for it to be worth it (I barely like it, truth be told). But losing my income, even if it is piddly, would make for a significant lifestyle change for us, and I'm just not ready to go there. I was so stressed about money before I had this job, and I don't want to have to feel guilty every time I buy Jack an outfit or go to Target. So I have sort of worked out a schedule, and we'll see how it goes.
Starting next week, Jack will go to day care from 10 to 4 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I really don't think he'll have a problem being there. My biggest fear is that he'll get sick a lot, which will just make everything harder for me. Hopefully his little immune system will be up to the challenge. Of course, I also have to commute to Quantico two days a week now, which is a pain in the butt. I'm also going to be spending $48 a week on day care and extra money on gas, so frankly I feel like a raise is in order. I might broach that next week, we'll see. It's been over a year so I feel like I'm due for one anyway.
My only hope is that something will happen with my book in the next couple of months, and I'll be able to quit my job and focus on my writing. I might even have Jack stay in day care for three or four hours twice a week so I could really get some work done, assuming he likes it and does well there. Not hearing from the agents is the most frustrating thing imaginable. I'm particularly nervous about the partial I sent nearly two months ago (although it did take 2 months to get a request for a full from another agency). I have this awful feeling that if the agent was really interested, they'd have gotten to it by now, but I just need to be patient. I just hate that I had to make this decision - I'd really hoped back when I got pregnant that I'd never have to work after Jack was born, and here he is almost 10 months old and I've been working the whole time.
I guess there's nothing else to do at this point but pray for a miracle...

Bad, Bad Girl

Forgive me, blog, for I have sinned. It has been WAY too long since my last entry.
Unfortunately, I have little new to report despite the long delay in posting. Last weekend I was swamped with general life crap - baby proofing, errands, running 19 miles, etc. The weekend before that we were in L.A., which was a good - albeit extremely busy - trip. Little has changed in the book world. I haven't had any time to work on the newest novel, and I've only had one update since my last posting re: The Book Collector.
Another agency requested a partial, which is great. I now have two partials out and one full, and I'm desperately hoping that one of those leads turns into something. There are now 4 outstanding agencies, all of which are most likely not going to respond at this point. It has been two months since I sent out this batch of query letters, and here are the stats (including all agencies):
4 no's based on query letter (including KW and JB)
4 no responses
1 reject on full after resubmission (JM)
1 reject on full with possibility of resubmission
1 reject on partial with possibility of resubmission
2 partials pending
1 full pending

That's a total of 14 query letters with 3 possibilities left (and the 4 that I haven't heard from). So technically only 7 rejections, so not too terrible over all I guess. Fingers crossed that something pans out... Otherwise it's on to edits and resubmissions I suppose.
Meanwhile, Jack is now pulling himself up to standing! He's getting so big - it's amazing the changes in the last month alone. Of course, I'm up for worst mother of the year after this morning, when Jack flopped onto his face and landed directly on a sharp piece of plastic (I was sitting right there, trying to put a box back together that he'd just broken, and he fell over for no apparent reason). Now he has a big scrape on his little nose and I feel just awful :(
The marathon is only one month away, thank god. I suppose I should be nervous but I just want the damn thing over with. I'm currently trying to figure out how to fit in the 20 miler (our last long run) on the weekend we go to Boston. S and J are being very uncooperative in the scheduling department and it's stressing me out. There's always SOMETHING to worry about. Work is work - tedious and a constant looming presence I could certainly do without. But no agent, so no quitting. At least not until the end of the year, when I hope to reevaluate things (including our budget) and figure out my plan for 2011.
Amen.

This Just In!

Finally, after not hearing anything for what seems like forever, I have an update. Last week I got a rejection from one of the agents who had requested a partial, which might be more devastating if she'd been someone I was super excited about. She was an agent who was recommended to me by two friends, so there was a connection there, but she didn't love the book and I certainly don't want to be represented by someone who doesn't "get" my writing. She gave me relatively positive feedback (she liked my writing and thought the book had potential) but when she suggested I add a ghost into the story, I knew she wasn't the right agent for me. She did say I can resubmit if I revise, so at least the door isn't totally closed.
I spent the weekend feeling rather down on myself. I'm swamped at work, and Sarah essentially told me she doesn't love my book and thinks I'm not trying as hard as I could. I appreciate her honesty (and to be frank, I pretty much already knew how she felt about the book) but it stung, of course. Did I put 100% of my effort into this book? Probably not, but it's hard to do that when I don't even know if anyone will ever want to represent me. If I already had an agent or this was my second novel or something, I think it would be a little different for me. Plus, in case no one else has noticed, I've been a tad busy this year...raising a child, working, training for a marathon, etc. So if I haven't given this novel my all, it's not because I'm lazy.
Then this afternoon I got an email from one of the two remaining agents who has the partial, and - praise be to jesus - she requested the full. I am just hoping and praying and wishing with all that I have that this agent wants to represent me! She's actually someone I queried with my last novel on the recommendation of KW, and while her roster isn't huge at this point, I think she has a lot of potential. I would be beyond thrilled for this agent to represent me. I have no idea how long it will take to hear back (it took about 5 weeks to hear on the partial, so I'm not expecting a speedy response). In the meantime, I'm really hoping the other agent with the partial requests the full as well. There are also 5 agents I have not had responses from, but I'm not really expecting them at this point.
I have also started working on the new novel, and I'm really hopeful that this one will go well. If I could get an agent at this point, I would definitely quit my job and put Jack in day care a few hours a week so I could really devote myself to writing. Pray for me!

My Hero

As of right now (10:47 am on Sunday morning), my amazing husband has been running for nearly 27 hours. He has just about an hour and a half left of his 100 mile race in California. All I can do right now is pray that he finishes, since he's long past his 24-hour goal. After training so hard for so many months, it would be absolutely devastating if he didn't finish.
It's funny how the things that drive me crazy are also the things I love most about John. Take this race for instance. I hate that he has spent so many hours training for a race when he could have been spending that time with Jack and me. Sometimes I've felt like he gives more thought to his running than he does to our relationship. When we could have been snuggling on the couch at night after Jack goes to bed, he's been hooked up to his ridiculous altitude simulator.
But I also know that John's drive, his competitiveness, and his ability to overcome anything he sets his mind too are some of the qualities I admire most in John.
Then there are his eccentric (and expensive) tastes and hobbies. There has been another woman in John's life for the past year or so: Sylvia, his espresso machine. God forbid my husband read the Washington Post like most other 31 year olds. No no, John has to get the Financial Times, a pink British newspaper usually read by investment bankers in their 50s. And John's penchant for expensive watches, fine wines, and his need for ANOTHER bespoke suit all seem ridiculous given our middle-class lifestyle.
But all this also reminds me that John not only enjoys the best things in life (and why shouldn't he?), he also will work exceedingly hard to maintain a lifestyle in which we CAN enjoy those things. If I don't want to work, I know that I can quit my job with absolutely no guilt from John, and he will continue to work has hard as he can to make sure we are financially secure.
My husband may not be your typical man, but why on earth would I want to marry someone typical? I married an exceptional human being, and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Keep running baby! You're almost there!
And by the way, happy 6th anniversary. Can't wait for the next 60.

Book Club Peeps and the Big Race

Last night we had book club, which we'd sort of been slacking on lately. We read a novel and several of the girls were kind enough to humor me and read my book as well. I didn't get any specific feedback, but the general consensus seemed fairly positive, and they were impressed with my awesome rejection letter. No news since then and I'm starting to get very antsy. I must try to be patient and not send out more queries just because I'm desperate to hear something.
John and I survived another week with company. John's aunt was actually quite helpful and even babysat for us one night, but it's still hard having a guest for 6 days no matter how well behaved they are. On Friday John was extremely generous and got me a mani/pedi down the street, which was quite lovely, even if my nails are already destroyed. Tonight will be our first night alone together in a while and I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet.
Meanwhile, I'm having another breastfeeding dilemma, as Jack has been taking bottles at every meal except for his first of the day, and as it is right now I'm pumping four times a day on top of that feeding. I can't maintain that for our trip to California, so it seems my options for the moment are to try to decrease the number of pumpings a day without losing my supply, or just wean Jack entirely and switch to formula. Option #2 would certainly be easier, but I'm having horrible guilt over the whole thing. I'm going to try to drop to 3 pumpings a day and see what happens. Que sera sera! (I love how I'm acting all light-hearted about the whole thing. The truth is it's causing me serious anxiety!)
John and I took Jack to the daycare center today to scope it out, and I have to say I'm not too keen on the idea of leaving Jack there, even if it is just a couple of days a month. I know for sure now that I wouldn't have been able to put him in daycare full time, and I'm really happy with that decision. The place was perfectly decent but I just hated to see the little babies sitting all by themselves. It seemed okay for the older kids, but I don't think I'll do anything like that (except maybe on the rare occasion that I have to go somewhere, or maybe once a month at deadline) until he's ready for preschool at 2 or 3. Maybe John will get into the foreign service and it won't be an issue. Who knows. I just wish beyond anything that my book would get published and I could quit my job. Then it wouldn't be an issue. I'm just praying I hear something this week.
Almost forgot - John's race is on Saturday! I can't believe the big 100 miler is here already. I wish I could go with him because I'm worried his support crew isn't going to be there for him, and I think he really needs that moral support, even if he does think he can do it all on his own. Unfortunately, there's no one to watch Jack, so it's impossible for me to go. I really hope he does well - he certainly deserves to after all his hard work, not to mention the ridiculous lengths he's gone to (wasp extract and altitude simulator anyone??). Good luck baby! I'm so proud of you!

A Good Rejection Is Better Than Nothing At All

So it's been a while since I've written, since as of late there hasn't been too much to say. John and I have been very stressed out with out of town guests and his race coming up, and unfortunately it hasn't left much opportunity for the two of us to spend quality time together. I'm hoping that after next week (his aunt is here till Monday, and John leaves next Thursday for his race, then comes home the following Monday) we'll sort of get back to normal. For a week, that is, until we go to the mountains with friends and then to California for a wedding. Note to self - don't plan anything for a loooong time.
Anyhoo, a few writing updates: Last week I queried another agent. She referred me to another agent at the agency who requested the first 50 pages. Yesterday I got what I consider to be a very good rejection. It still stings (this was the agent who requested the manuscript almost immediately after I queried her. I'd had high hopes for them, but alas, it appears it was not meant to be) but at least I got some very constructive advice from the agent (well, her assistant I believe. But both she and the agent read my manuscript, so that's good). She said things like: "Michelle and I both think the manuscript has a great deal of promise. You are a great writer, and I felt moved and excited throughout many scenes." and "The writing in this text is solid; I believe that working out the kinks in these few scenes could improve your novel even more. If you would like to do any revisions and resubmit, we would be happy to read again. And, for the record, Michelle and I both fell in love with Shakespeare and his sweaters."
So, the long and short of it is that I was rejected - but, at least there is some hope for a resubmission (although I'm wary after what happened with Jill). I'm just hoping that one of the three remaining agents who has the first 50 pages at least requests a full (would it be too much to hope that someone wants to represent me???). I still have three agents who haven't responded, including my top choice, so we'll see...
To sum up, out of 9 queries:
2 rejections based on query letter
3 no responses
4 requests for materials, with 1 rejection so far
Not bad, right?
Fingers crossed for more good news soon...

Ummm... Toto?

Our two years in the D.C. area have been pretty great. We've seen so much and met great friends, had a baby here, and while our second house hasn't been as awesome as our first, it's still not a bad place to call home. But there has been one exception to all that: the weather. The first year was fine - yes, the summer was hot, and yes, there were a few snowy days during the winter. But this year has been RIDIC. We had several massive snow storms over the winter, followed by one of the hottest summers on record. And if the heat and humidity weren't miserable enough, we've had our power go out several times. Up until last week, it had never lasted for more than a few hours (just long enough for our house to heat up like an oven). But on Thursday, and absolutely insane storm (think Wizard of Oz) blew into Del Ray and knocked over trees like they were toothpicks. I watched as our trash cans went whizzing down the street (no way was I going out to get them) and the tree in front of our house splintered apart. I wasn't surprised when the power went out, particularly after seeing the power lines in front of our house flop around like noodles, but I did NOT expect for it to last for 48 hours.
The long and short of it is that we ended up staying with John's awesome coworker and her equally awesome fiance for two nights, and it was actually fun getting to know them. Unfortunately, I was unable to get any work done, the maid couldn't come, and all of the food in the fridge and freezer had to be dumped. So by the time the power came on Saturday evening, the house was a disaster, which meant Sunday was taken up by cleaning. Sunday evening John's family friend came for dinner, and last night his cousin and her husband and two kids were here. So John and I have not had a normal night at home in nearly a week.
Tonight we'll finally be back on our own program, the maid is coming tomorrow, and I am just grateful to have air conditioning once again. Then in a few days time the madness picks up again (guests this weekend and next, John's race the week after that, the Shenandoah's in September, and the wedding in San Diego the following week). I honestly can't wait for this summer to be over.
Fall clothes, here I come! It will make training a hell of a lot less disgusting too. Speaking of which, Sarah and I are supposed to run 14 miles on Saturday... Hmmm...
No more word from agents. Just playing the waiting game and hoping. And praying. A lot.

The Waiting Game

The week started out with a bang, with another agent asking for the first three chapters of my book on Monday afternoon. I also queried an agent who was recommended to me by my agent friend in SD, and she immediately asked for the first three chapters as well. So, out of 8 queries I've gotten three responses so far, which I think is pretty good! But since then, nothing, and now I'm waiting... and I think it may drive me insane!
Obviously I wasn't expecting to hear anything that quickly, so I should just be grateful I've heard anything at all. I'm trying to enjoy the possibilities right now, because it's highly likely I'll just get rejections, and I'd rather at least have hope. I'm trying to walk the fine line between positive thinking and getting my hopes up too high. I just don't know what I'll do if nothing comes of these queries. Fortunately there are a million agents out there, but it would just mean more waiting. Le sigh.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to be good about getting work-work done but so far I've been pretty lazy this week. Jack just went down for his afternoon nap so hopefully I'll get some work done. Yesterday I was really bad and napped for an hour, something I haven't done in ages. It was rather glorious. Sarah and I have an easy running week this week, but next week it ramps up to the big time - 4, 7, 4, and 14. I honestly don't mind our long runs - but that mid-week 7 miler by myself might kill me. I can't wait till September when it (hopefully) starts to cool off a little. I'll be so happy when this marathon is over!
Better eat some lunch so I can get to work. Fingers crossed that I hear something by the end of the week!

I Don't Want (Him) To Grow Up

Today's post has nothing to do with writing. Right now, I'm focused on Jack, who for the past week and a half has been on what they call a "nursing strike," meaning he doesn't want to breastfeed. I think it started with the rapid increase in solid food that occurred on our trip to CA - it decreased his demand for milk, which got my supply screwed up, which led to him getting impatient and biting me, which made me switch to bottles until he got over it. I'd been able to nurse in the mornings and at night, but last night he wouldn't nurse, and I lost it.
The weird thing is, I've always said I hated breastfeeding. Sure, I enjoyed the closeness of nursing Jack (pretty much the only time I can hold him without him squirming all over the place) and I felt like I was doing the best thing for my child, but it's been a pretty big inconvenience for the past 7.5 months. I thought I couldn't wait to get my body back, to be able to leave Jack for more than four hours, to be able to sleep in, etc.
What I didn't realize was how much I liked knowing that my little guy was dependent on ME. Nursing is the one and only thing I can do that no other person can do for Jack. He's not one of those clingy babies that hates to be away from his mommy - he's a pretty independent little guy and he likes everyone. But to have Jack all of a sudden stop nursing - even biting me whenever I tried to coax him back into it - felt like such a huge rejection. I know I always said that I'd be happy with 6 months, but I was not mentally prepared for this to happen yet.
Today Jack has nursed all three meals so far, even falling asleep on me before his nap (he's sleeping as I type). Holding him close to me, feeling his soft little hands, hearing his breathing - I am going to miss those things more than I could have imagined. He's 7 months old and I already feel like he's growing up too fast! Sheesh!
So, for now, I'm going to take things one day at a time (I still hold to my previous statement that once those top teeth come in, I'm done). Pumping has its advantages, and so does nursing, and I'm not ready to commit to anything at this point. I still want to finish breastfeeding before the marathon, but I have a few more months before then. In the meantime, there is work to be done...