Still Going Strong

I am now two weeks into my New Year's resolutions and proud to say I'm still on track. Another 20 miles run, I've got about 14 agents on my list, and after meeting with S and E for coffee the other day, I'm feeling good about the new book. I've also decided to take an entire day (in two weeks) to make the edits to The Book Collector suggested to me by the agent last year. Once that's finished and my next batch of queries goes out, I'll be free to really dig in to the new book. In the meantime I'm doing research and compiling ideas. No news on the job front, but I'm okay with that right now. As long as I'm productive I can't be too hard on myself.
In other exciting news, Jack took his first steps two days ago! I realize things are about to get even more challenging, but I'm glad that he's on track. He also got tooth number 8 yesterday. I can't believe how big he's getting. And I'm afraid all that delicious chub is going to disappear soon. As much as it scares me to not be working, I do feel incredibly lucky to have been home with him for this long. I wouldn't have wanted to miss a moment.
John is out running right now and Jack is napping. I should probably be working but it's nice to have a quiet moment to myself. We have a three day weekend, which is so relaxing. Last week Jack was waking up between 3 and 5 a.m. every morning, but he finally started sleeping again. Phew! John and I had a really nice evening out last night, too, which we definitely needed. There is a lot to look forward to this year. I just really hope I can add "agent" to that list!

One Week In

It's been one week of New Year's Resolutions put to the test, and I'm happy to say that I'm passing, mostly. 20 miles - check! 20 pages - no. But I did do a lot of good research for the book and I'm getting excited about writing it, which is a big first step. I have a new job possibility that I'm excited about, and I've done some research about childcare. Yesterday I went shopping with my Christmas gift cards and got some great new clothes, which I'm excited about. I'm feeling better about my physical appearance, which is important for how I feel on the inside (maybe that's shallow, but it's true).
As for The Book Collector - no word from any agents, which is disappointing. I'm really hoping to hear from my two outstanding agents this week. The holidays are over and it's time they get back to me. Fingers crossed. I need to start my list of agents to query next month. I'm definitely planning on doing some research for that this week. And I think I'm going to start making those edits that the one agent suggested. It can't hurt. And since I'm not writing the new book quite yet, I really ought to do it. I was reading some blog in which an author posted that an agent suggested rewrites, she made them and a year later was represented by them. So perhaps it IS possible (I've been a little skeptical after what happened with agent J).
Another resolution that I forgot to mention is that I want to write on this blog at least once a week, so that's one more resolution I can give a "check" to :)
Off to work out before the bambino wakes up!

New Year, New Goals

Happy 2011! We just got back from two weeks in Montana yesterday, so I'm a little behind on my resolutions, but at least I know what they are :) And now that I'm mostly unpacked, I'm feeling pretty good about things.
Not the book, but other things.
A quick book update: two rejections while I was gone, bringing the total to 11 rejections and 6 no responses, with 1 outstanding partial and 1 outstanding full. Both of those agents said they will try to get back to me as soon as possible (since it's been quite a while since I've heard from either of them) but who knows when that will be. In the meantime, I've come up with a few more ideas for the new book, and I'm going to be compiling a list of 25 more agents so I can start querying in a few weeks. I want to wait till around February to start, given that this tends to be a busy time of year for agents (and clearly sending out queries in November wasn't the best idea ever, since that batch of queries has yet to yield a single positive response).
Montana was good and bad, as I should have expected it to be. We arrived VERY late Sunday night, and John woke to the stomach flu (picked up at a birthday party on Saturday) on Monday morning. Tuesday he felt a little better and we were able to head to the national forest and cut down our tree, Custer, who was a little sparse according to some reports, but quite adorable if you ask John or me. On Wednesday morning I got the stomach flu, and I felt like I was going to die. My parents arrived Wednesday night, followed by Sarah on Thursday night. Friday was Christmas Eve, Saturday was Christmas, and Sunday was an open house that my mom threw for the people who helped with the house renovation. On Monday we could all finally breathe again.
Except that I had a cold. And on Sunday I poked myself in the eye with my hair brush so hard I thought my eye was permanently damaged. I was in horrible pain for 2 days before it finally got better. And the cold is STILL hanging around!
So aside from my health issues, it was nice to see my parents and I think they enjoyed spending time with Jack. Sarah and I had a HORRIBLE fight on Friday in which I said some things I am not entirely proud of, but we seem to have moved past it at least. We had a great time on Wednesday sledding in the national forest, and on Thursday John and I finally got to go out to dinner together, which was nice. Jack's sleeping left something to be desired, so the trip wasn't restful, exactly, but I'm glad we went.
I'm also very glad to be home.
So, now that I'm back and 2011 is well under way, I think it's time to list my goals so I have something to keep me in check during the coming months. Here is my 2011 list of resolutions:
1) Get an agent (not really something I have control over, but it will remain my #1 life goal until I have one)
2) Write book #5, completing an average of 20 pages per week
3) Run 20 miles per week (a good base for helping John with his 100 miler in June)
4) Worry less about the future (including money and things I have no control over, except getting an agent - see #1)
5) Try to be a better wife and mother (more patience, less squabbling, etc)
6) Send out 25 more query letters by mid-February (unless I get an agent before then, natch)
7) Be more organized at home (I'm going to Target this week to get the proper supplies)
8) Be the person I want to be; Live the life I want to live (if I don't like something, I'm going to fix it. If it can't be fixed, I'm movin' on!).

I'm sure I'm leaving something out, but this is a good start. Some of these things are obviously more tangible than others, which is nice, since I do love to cross things off of lists! The running and writing will have to start tomorrow, unfortunately, since I'm still getting organized from the trip. And I may need to do some more research before I can really start "writing" the next book (BDC, as I'll refer to it from now on). I really want 2011 to be a good year. I've survived the first year of motherhood, and now it's time to get a better handle on things. I feel like I've been sort of disorganized and now I need to put things in order. Speaking of which, I have photos to download and a child who wants a snack, so I'm off.
Happy New Year!

Hope For the Holidays

I can't believe it's a) nearly Jack's birthday and b) nearly 2011. I started this novel nearly two years ago, and I've spent nearly an entire year trying to get an agent. So far, I don't feel like I'm really closer than I was a year ago. And it's starting to get to me.
I can't think about my book without wanting to cry. I can't read a blog or an agent's Web site or an author interview without breaking down. I think about the book constantly, and it's eating away at me. I'm even crying as I type this.
I know it's stupid, and maybe some day my book will be published and I'll look back at this time and curse myself for being so stupid about the whole thing, but right now, it just sucks. I did get some very helpful advice from a blogger who suggested that I email the two agents I haven't heard from and let them know other agents were looking at my work (apparently I should have done that when they requested pages...whoops!). Both wrote back almost immediately to let me know that they just haven't gotten to my materials yet, which is good news since it means it's not a "no," but it also means that they weren't so excited by what they'd read so far that they wanted to put me at the top of their to-do list. Either way I'm trying to hold out hope for EW, who was one of my first choices anyway. She has had the full for over 3 months now, and I'm just praying she likes what she reads. This last batch of queries has turned out to be a total bust. We're going on 3 weeks and so far I've had 4 rejections and the rest no responses. Maybe it was a bad time of year to query - I don't know. I'm going to try to compile a list of 25 more agents over the holidays and start querying again in February.
I suppose I should be happy that I've made it through Jack's first year without inadvertently killing him or deliberately killing myself or John. I know that I accomplished a few things this year: the marathon, working most of the year, etc. But all I really wanted was to add "got an agent" to that list. And for the life of me I just can't seem to make it happen.
The only thing I want for Christmas this year (and my birthday and every other Christmas and birthday from here to eternity) is to get an agent. Every time my phone rings and it's an unknown number my heart leaps a little. Every single email holds a tiny kernel of hope that maybe, just maybe, someone is at least requesting a partial. And time after time my hopes are dashed. I know I need to stay positive and keep on trucking, but it's getting harder and harder.
There's not much more to say right now. TTFN.

Things to Be Thankful For

I realize it's been quite a long time since my last posting, and that is, of course, because I have had very little to report. I keep hoping for news, and alas, none comes. Right now I'm still waiting to hear on one partial and one full, and since I was starting to freak out that the end of the year is nigh (and many agents don't accept or look at submissions in December and early January) I went a little crazy and sent out another dozen or so queries. The total is now 26. I got one rejection today from someone I queried yesterday, so the stats are:
6 rejections
5 no responses
5 partials or fulls (of which 3 were subsequent rejections)
I'm actually not that unhappy with those numbers. But we'll see what happens now that I have many more outstanding queries. I have resolved myself to the fact that this is a numbers game, and I need to have as many options as possible. Plus I need to keep things moving or I'll go insane. The idea of querying a few agents and waiting for a response is good in theory, but so far I've only gotten useful feedback from one agent, and now that it's been 2.5 months on the full and 2 on the partial, I can't keep waiting around. Either someone's going to like my writing enough to want to represent me or not.

Back to the title of this entry: I had really hoped to add "getting an agent" to my list of things to be thankful for this year, but it appears that is highly unlikely. So, barring that one glaring omission, here are, in no particular order, the top ten things I am grateful for:
1) That I have a happy, healthy (present cold notwithstanding), wonderful baby boy
2) That I have a loving and supportive husband who let me quit my job to take care of said baby boy and pursue my passion
3) That my husband is safe and sound here at home and not deployed
4) That the people I love most (namely Sarah and John, but also the rest of my family and good friends) are finding success in their endeavors
5) That I have a warm, safe place to live, even if it isn't the house of my dreams
6) That I can afford most of the things that I want and all of the things that I need
7) That this body of mine can give birth to a baby and run a marathon all in the same year (must learn to appreciate it more!)
8) That even though I feel hopeless and down on myself much of the time, I have the strength and perseverance to keep on fighting for my dreams
9) That my parents are both alive and healthy (for the most part) and I get to see them in a month
10) That I get to live less than ten miles from my best friend

I'm sure I'm leaving out a whole slew of things, but clearly, I have many, many reasons to be thankful this year. It sounds like Mr. Jack is awake and stuffy, so I'm off to attempt to clear out his little nostrils (which is far more difficult than it sounds, believe me). Tomorrow we leave for Atlanta to celebrate Thanksgiving with family. Here's hoping for safe travels!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Marathon Mama

Finally, after months of training, I can quite proudly say that I am officially a marathon runner! Sarah and I finished in a respectable 4 hours, 20 minutes and 33 seconds. I would have loved to have finished under 4:15, but considering we were dodging runners the entire 26.2 miles and had to make two pit-stops (I had some serious stomach issues), the fact that we even managed to stay together and finish as well as we did is pretty impressive. I wish I could say I enjoyed the whole thing more, but frankly, it was pretty long and painful. I am, however, thrilled that it's over!
The last few miles were the toughest, especially for Sarah. But I managed to dig deep, remind myself that I gave birth, and I told myself what may amount to a lie: if I can finish a marathon, then I can get my book published! Whatever the case, it got my ass across the finish line.
Today, alas, it's back to reality. No rest for the wicked I'm afraid. We went trick or treating last night with our friends, and Jack was a real trooper - he spent 7 hours out and about with Daddy during the race, then put on his pony costume and went out for another couple of hours. I am as proud of him as I am of myself.
Of course, it has to be noted that John was there for me the whole time - I got to see him and Jack about mid-way through the race, which was a nice boost, and I have even more respect for him and his crazy running now that I've completed a fraction of what he's done. I am also more concerned for his sanity - I can't imagine doing that four times in a row, let alone doing another one in the next couple of months (if ever)! Sarah and I have decided that if we ever do decide to do another marathon, there will have to be more incentive (like a trip to Hawaii) involved.
As for the rest of my life, no news whatsoever on the book last week, although I did recently submit three more queries. I'm starting to get really down on myself about the whole thing. I feel like it's just not going to happen. But I managed to work a little more on the book last week, and I'm confident that once I finish my job in three weeks I'll be able to get some more writing in. If nothing else it will take away one stress factor in my life. Not having to worry so much about training should help too.
Well, Jack is awake from his nap so I'd better run (well, let's be honest - hobble) upstairs and get him.
I did it!

More Bad News

So last week sucked. Completely and totally. After two miserable days of putting Jack in day care, and picking him up with a filthy face and looking at the morons that I'd left him with, and spending 3.5-4 hours driving so I could work for 3, I decided to quit. Frankly, it doesn't feel like it was a decision. I honestly didn't feel like I had any other option. It was still one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time.
Colonel Ford asked me to finish another issue, so I spent the weekend scrambling for some sort of babysitting option for Jack. A neighbor's nanny is going to watch him for 5 hours once a week until I finish the job. There's a small chance that I could get a job at Nat Geo, but at this point what I want more than anything in the world is to be able to sell my book so I can stay home with Jack. I don't want to put him in day care, even if the job is awesome, because I don't want to miss watching him grow up. At the same time, I feel like I need an income. It's so hard being a woman sometimes!
As I predicted, the agent who had taken forever to get back to me on the partial sent me a rejection yesterday. Her email was kind but vague, so I wonder if perhaps it was actually a form letter. I also got a rejection from the agent I queried right after I wrote my last entry. I queried two more agents yesterday to keep things moving, but I'm starting to lose hope. I still have one full and one partial out, but that's it. My stats had seemed pretty good up to a point, but now the rejections are mounting and I haven't gotten any requests for materials in a while.
One slightly encouraging thing - I was looking on an agent web site yesterday, and one person said she had sent out 115 query letters and received 99 negative responses, 16 positive ones, of which two were offers of representation. Perhaps I just need to start playing the numbers more? I dunno...

Down to the Wire

First, an update: After I posted last week I received a rejection from an agency I wasn't expecting to hear from, so now I have a total of 8 rejections. Just to make myself feel better I queried another agency, but they're pretty big so I'm not counting on anything. I guess I'm getting desperate, because last Friday my boss essentially told me that if I don't put Jack in day care, I don't have a job.
If money were no object, I would quit immediately. I always told myself that I wouldn't put my baby in day care, and I certainly don't love this job enough for it to be worth it (I barely like it, truth be told). But losing my income, even if it is piddly, would make for a significant lifestyle change for us, and I'm just not ready to go there. I was so stressed about money before I had this job, and I don't want to have to feel guilty every time I buy Jack an outfit or go to Target. So I have sort of worked out a schedule, and we'll see how it goes.
Starting next week, Jack will go to day care from 10 to 4 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I really don't think he'll have a problem being there. My biggest fear is that he'll get sick a lot, which will just make everything harder for me. Hopefully his little immune system will be up to the challenge. Of course, I also have to commute to Quantico two days a week now, which is a pain in the butt. I'm also going to be spending $48 a week on day care and extra money on gas, so frankly I feel like a raise is in order. I might broach that next week, we'll see. It's been over a year so I feel like I'm due for one anyway.
My only hope is that something will happen with my book in the next couple of months, and I'll be able to quit my job and focus on my writing. I might even have Jack stay in day care for three or four hours twice a week so I could really get some work done, assuming he likes it and does well there. Not hearing from the agents is the most frustrating thing imaginable. I'm particularly nervous about the partial I sent nearly two months ago (although it did take 2 months to get a request for a full from another agency). I have this awful feeling that if the agent was really interested, they'd have gotten to it by now, but I just need to be patient. I just hate that I had to make this decision - I'd really hoped back when I got pregnant that I'd never have to work after Jack was born, and here he is almost 10 months old and I've been working the whole time.
I guess there's nothing else to do at this point but pray for a miracle...

Bad, Bad Girl

Forgive me, blog, for I have sinned. It has been WAY too long since my last entry.
Unfortunately, I have little new to report despite the long delay in posting. Last weekend I was swamped with general life crap - baby proofing, errands, running 19 miles, etc. The weekend before that we were in L.A., which was a good - albeit extremely busy - trip. Little has changed in the book world. I haven't had any time to work on the newest novel, and I've only had one update since my last posting re: The Book Collector.
Another agency requested a partial, which is great. I now have two partials out and one full, and I'm desperately hoping that one of those leads turns into something. There are now 4 outstanding agencies, all of which are most likely not going to respond at this point. It has been two months since I sent out this batch of query letters, and here are the stats (including all agencies):
4 no's based on query letter (including KW and JB)
4 no responses
1 reject on full after resubmission (JM)
1 reject on full with possibility of resubmission
1 reject on partial with possibility of resubmission
2 partials pending
1 full pending

That's a total of 14 query letters with 3 possibilities left (and the 4 that I haven't heard from). So technically only 7 rejections, so not too terrible over all I guess. Fingers crossed that something pans out... Otherwise it's on to edits and resubmissions I suppose.
Meanwhile, Jack is now pulling himself up to standing! He's getting so big - it's amazing the changes in the last month alone. Of course, I'm up for worst mother of the year after this morning, when Jack flopped onto his face and landed directly on a sharp piece of plastic (I was sitting right there, trying to put a box back together that he'd just broken, and he fell over for no apparent reason). Now he has a big scrape on his little nose and I feel just awful :(
The marathon is only one month away, thank god. I suppose I should be nervous but I just want the damn thing over with. I'm currently trying to figure out how to fit in the 20 miler (our last long run) on the weekend we go to Boston. S and J are being very uncooperative in the scheduling department and it's stressing me out. There's always SOMETHING to worry about. Work is work - tedious and a constant looming presence I could certainly do without. But no agent, so no quitting. At least not until the end of the year, when I hope to reevaluate things (including our budget) and figure out my plan for 2011.
Amen.

This Just In!

Finally, after not hearing anything for what seems like forever, I have an update. Last week I got a rejection from one of the agents who had requested a partial, which might be more devastating if she'd been someone I was super excited about. She was an agent who was recommended to me by two friends, so there was a connection there, but she didn't love the book and I certainly don't want to be represented by someone who doesn't "get" my writing. She gave me relatively positive feedback (she liked my writing and thought the book had potential) but when she suggested I add a ghost into the story, I knew she wasn't the right agent for me. She did say I can resubmit if I revise, so at least the door isn't totally closed.
I spent the weekend feeling rather down on myself. I'm swamped at work, and Sarah essentially told me she doesn't love my book and thinks I'm not trying as hard as I could. I appreciate her honesty (and to be frank, I pretty much already knew how she felt about the book) but it stung, of course. Did I put 100% of my effort into this book? Probably not, but it's hard to do that when I don't even know if anyone will ever want to represent me. If I already had an agent or this was my second novel or something, I think it would be a little different for me. Plus, in case no one else has noticed, I've been a tad busy this year...raising a child, working, training for a marathon, etc. So if I haven't given this novel my all, it's not because I'm lazy.
Then this afternoon I got an email from one of the two remaining agents who has the partial, and - praise be to jesus - she requested the full. I am just hoping and praying and wishing with all that I have that this agent wants to represent me! She's actually someone I queried with my last novel on the recommendation of KW, and while her roster isn't huge at this point, I think she has a lot of potential. I would be beyond thrilled for this agent to represent me. I have no idea how long it will take to hear back (it took about 5 weeks to hear on the partial, so I'm not expecting a speedy response). In the meantime, I'm really hoping the other agent with the partial requests the full as well. There are also 5 agents I have not had responses from, but I'm not really expecting them at this point.
I have also started working on the new novel, and I'm really hopeful that this one will go well. If I could get an agent at this point, I would definitely quit my job and put Jack in day care a few hours a week so I could really devote myself to writing. Pray for me!