Tuesday, March 24, 2015

My Second Wedding

About six months ago, Jack mentioned that he wanted to marry me when he grows up. I thought it was adorable and nearly smacked John when he started to explain that it wasn't logistically (never mind ethically) feasible. Every now and then Jack would bring it up, and I happily went along with the scheme. One of my favorite things about being a boy-mom is how Jack thinks of me as a princess. I know the day will come when he wants nothing to do with me, so I'm soaking it all up while I can.

I was not, however, prepared to marry Jack NOW. I always figured he'd outgrow it before it became a reality. But as we were driving home from school last Thursday, Jack informed me that we would be getting married that evening. I tried to dissuade him by explaining I didn't have a white dress - "You can wear your pretty black dress, Mommy" - or that we needed time to prepare a special meal - "We can have strawberries and dumpalings, Mommy" - but he stood firm. He made me a paper crown when we got home and was very excited to fill Daddy in on the news.

To which Daddy replied, "It's illegal to have more than one husband in this country."

Jack looked up at me with enormous, tear-filled blue eyes and said, "But that means I can't marry Mommy."

And then I killed John.

Actually, I said, "Ignore Daddy. I always do." And we proceeded to make wedding preparations.

Fortunately, I was able to convince Jack that Saturday at Aunt Shasha's house would be better. I was already planning to spend the night at Sarah's house on Friday night, so we agreed I could wear one of her dresses. "I'll wear my belt," Jack informed me. (He's convinced that belt=fancy.) He also insisted I wear a tiara, so I dug up a little party crown from a couple New Years Eves ago. Shasha showed Jack a few dress options and he chose the fancy, long dress (which is actually Sarah's prom dress - it's nice to know I haven't grown in seventeen years, and that Sarah never gets rid of anything). With the addition of some vintage beaded flowers, we were ready to begin the ceremony.



"So, uh, what do we do?" I asked Jack.

"First we have the vestibal."

"Right, the vestibal. And what exactly does that entail?"

"A dance party. And cheers-ing."



Once we ascertained that he meant "festival," Shasha brought out her laptop and some glasses, and Jack chose that old wedding classic, Rihanna's "Only Girl in the World," for our dance party. We toasted with water. Jack promised to be a good husband, which entails helping with the cooking, taking care of Will, and going to bed at the same time as me. Then I asked Jack if we should maybe say that we love each other.

Jack put his nose against mine and said, "I love you more than anything, a thousand times."

That kid. I swear, he makes me crazy, but he can be the sweetest boy sometimes. I love watching him grow and change, seeing the way he interacts with the world around him and how curious he is about everything. I know he's only going to get more fun as he gets older, but I also know the day will come all too soon when I wish he still wanted to marry me.

I love you more than anything a thousand times, Jackie. And that's one thing I know will never change.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Things I Love Thursdays: Outlander

Some time during my teenage years, my mom tried to give me a copy of Outlander. She'd loved it and thought I might enjoy it too, which was a reasonable assumption given my love of reading and fantasy. But for whatever reason (Too much history? Not enough magic?), I never made it past the first fifty pages or so. It wasn't until the winter before last, when I was pregnant with Will and living in Montana with Jack and my mom, that I decided to give it another shot. I was immediately sucked into it and couldn't put it down. What can I say, I like history now, and the lack of magic is more than made up for by the presence of this fellow:



Jamie Fraser is completely swoon-worthy in the book, but really, my love for Outlander wasn't complete until I finally got my hands on the DVDs a few weeks ago. I watched the first four episodes at a nice, respectable one-a-night pace, until I couldn't take the suspense anymore and binge-watched the last four in a day and a half. The casting for the show is perfect, and having watched the "extras," which include a segment about the making of the costumes, I'm really impressed with how much trouble they took to make everything historically accurate.



On the one hand, I'm glad I waited until now to watch the show, since I have a much shorter wait for Season 2. But now I have to figure out how I'm going to get my hands on a copy in Peru. There's no way I can wait another year to continue the journey! In the meantime, I plan on reading the sequel to Outlander, Dragonfly in Amber, post haste.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Foreign Service Fridays: Some Thoughts on EFM Employment

I finally blogged about something Foreign Service-y today! If you're curious about employment for family members, I link to a couple of interesting posts on the topic, along with my own two cents, over on Most Eligible Family. It's hard to believe we leave for Lima in ten weeks! Eeek!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Writing Wednesdays: Surviving Revisions, and Jack's New Book

Hi all! I'm happy to say I have finally sent my revised manuscript back to my literary agent. It took six weeks and an average of 2-4 hours on week days, plus 5 or more hours on weekend days, and all I can hope right now is that I didn't somehow make my novel worse in the process.

Learning to revise has probably been my biggest challenge as a writer. It took a long time for me to fully grasp how crucial revision is to the writing process (drafting is the easy part!), and it is definitely a skill that develops over time. I think I might finally be getting the hang of it. Maybe.

And of course there was all the life stuff to deal with over these past six weeks, including the Cold From Hell that took down our entire family, strep throat (just me - that was fun), more car nonsense, and other crap I won't bore you with. But I do think my novel is much stronger thanks to these changes, and hopefully all my hard work will pay off!

In other news, Jack (who wasn't always a fan of Mommy disappearing in the afternoons to work, or locking herself in her bedroom on weekends) is now an author. He has penned a "chapter book" and a sequel, Marshmallow Joins and Marshmallow Joins 2. They are...how can I put this delicately? WEIRD. I still don't fully understand the title, although there are marshmallows in the book. He really wants me to share it with the world, but I'm not sure the world is quite ready for it.

Jack is a very serious writer (the pencil behind the ear was all his idea).

He has also asked me to be his literary agent, and he insisted we type the books up on the computer. When Auntie Shasha came over for brainstorming sessions (I owe Sarah a HUGE thanks for the amount of time she spent talking over plot changes with me), Jack liked to join us and ask our advice on Marshmallow Joins.

I love the fact that Jack wants to be a writer and is proud of what I'm doing. I've tried to find ways to make him feel included, like drawing a cover for my book (he really thinks it's going to be the cover; hopefully by the time the book is published he's over it) and reading "real" books at night time. So far we've read James and the Giant Peach and we're working on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He's chosen The Wizard of Oz as our next book. As someone who was once terrified of being a mom to boys, I love that this is our thing. And while his prose may need some work, I see a real future for him in illustration.

A picture of the good witch and one of her marshmallows from Marshmallow Joins.

Jack's cover design for Wintersoul.



Monday, February 2, 2015

Blogging Break

Just in case anyone is wondering what happened to me, I've decided to take a little time off of blogging while I focus on my agent revisions. I can't justify using whatever free time I have to blog when I have "real" work to do. On a happier note, John FINALLY got moved to the morning schedule, so I will now have a couple of hours every day to devote to writing. Yay! Hopefully I'll be back to blogging soon :)

Thursday, January 15, 2015

To Fall in Love With Your Husband, Do This?

The other day, one of my writing friends shared a New York Times article called "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This," about an experiment done twenty years ago that helped two couples fall in love, and later, the author of the article. Basically, two strangers were asked to spend 90 minutes answering a series of increasingly personal questions, and then stare into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. My friend thought the questions could help with character development, but as soon as I read the article, I started to wonder: could these questions help my marriage?

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with my marriage! But I think all couples, especially those with young children, can use an opportunity to reconnect every now and then. Many of the questions are irrelevant to people in a relationship (we've been together for fourteen years and have fortunately figured out a thing or two during that time). But some of the questions are very thought-provoking, the kinds of questions I hadn't ever really asked myself, let alone John. (I know you're curious, so I've included the questions at the end of this post.) I decided to conduct our own experiment, to see if we could learn something new about each other, and maybe even strengthen our connection during the process. It couldn't hurt to try, right?

Almost immediately, I felt like we'd accomplished something. We turned off the television and spent an hour talking instead of zoning out or checking Facebook. While some of John's answers were predictable, others took me completely by surprise. Some of the questions were easy to answer, while others required a lot of thought. John spoke in depth about some of his experiences in the Marine Corps, which to me often feels like another lifetime but is clearly still very much on John's mind. I can see how discussing things like your most treasured memory or whose death in your family would be the most disturbing would tell you rather quickly how you feel about a person, certainly more than talking about work or hobbies. Cutting to the chase on a first date may be uncomfortable, but it could definitely have its merits.

After we finished the questions and got ready for bed, John and I tried to spend 4 minutes gazing into each other's eyes. I think the idea was to do it silently, but we talked the entire time. Whoops. Either way, I definitely felt closer to John afterward. I won't say it led to any major revelations, but it was a good reminder of why I fell in love with John in the first place. And frankly, between kids, jobs, busted cars, bike accidents, and impending moves, who couldn't use a little reminder every now and then?


Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ..."

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Writing Wednesdays: The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Yesterday I received the Very Inspiring Blogger Award from the lovely ladies of Sub It Club, an online support group for writers and illustrators who are sending their work out into the world (yes, it's so scary we need our own support group). I'm honored to be listed among some of the bloggers who inspire ME, particularly Dee Romito at I Write for Apples, who was so sweet and helpful when I got my offer of representation.



Here are the rules for the award:
*Display the award on your blog
*Link back to the person who nominated you
*State 7 things about yourself
*Nominate 15 bloggers, link to them, and notify them about their nominations

I'm not going to choose 15 bloggers because everyone is super busy, but I will nominate one: my talented, intelligent, inspiring sister Elizabeth, who blogs at Clash of Cultures about popular culture and lives in Paris. She is also the one who introduced me to Sub It Club so I'm extra grateful!

And now, seven things about myself (with a writing focus, since this is a writing award):
1) In my very first query letter for my very first book, I compared it to Harry Potter. I KNOW. (This is like one of the seven deadly sins of querying, so I totally deserved the "Not for us" scribbled at the top of the letter and mailed back to me. Ouch.)
2) I wrote my second novel about a Marine pilot who is killed in action and what happens to his family in the aftermath. I still think the idea has merit, but I was nowhere near skilled enough to write the story at the time. I never queried it.
3) The only writing class I've ever taken was focused on travel writing. I took it at the UCSD extension and my teacher encouraged me to pursue publication. His kind words were some of the first I filed away to bring out whenever I was feeling down about my writing.
4) WINTERSOUL, the novel that finally found an agent, is my eighth completed manuscript, but I've got another half-dozen incomplete novels floating around.
5) I wrote my first novel after I was fired from my crappy job at a newspaper and had nothing else to do. I also took up baking, knitting, and painting that year. Writing is the only hobby that stuck!
6) Some day, after we've done several posts in the Foreign Service, I want to write a book about parenting overseas. My working title is "Abroad with Boys."
7) Trust is a recurring theme in most of my novels. I'm pretty sure this says something about me, but I haven't delved too deeply yet...

Thanks again Sub It Club!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Foreign Service Fridays: When the Living Ain't Easy

Sometimes my super-glamorous globe-trotting life*, well, isn't. I talk about it a little over on Most Eligible Family. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Didn't this week seem LONG to you? Or maybe that was just me...

* That was sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell ;)

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

You Are Here

Every year for the past forever, I've had a list of New Year's resolutions. It generally centered around self-improvement (be a better mom and wife, work out more, be more positive, etc.), but the main focus was always this: GET AN AGENT. Every time I failed to meet my goal, I repeated this mantra: "onward and upward." I developed a thing for arrows, because they symbolized forward momentum. I never let myself dwell too much on the here and now, because I believed something better was just around the corner.

So it's a little weird to be heading into 2015 with a nice big check mark next to my number one goal.

Of course, now I have a new goal: to sell my novel. But considering I haven't even started my revisions, it's a little premature to worry about that. And sure, I have something kind of big on the horizon (moving to Peru), but this year, I really, really want to focus on what I already have instead of worrying about what I don't. I would like to spend more time being grateful and less time trying to change things. I do not want to waste energy comparing myself to others. I want to keep this in mind:




I hope you guys will remind me of this every now and then (like when I go on submission to publishers in the next few months, or when I have to leave my very comfortable home and move with two kids to another continent). Thanks for being there for me this year and following along on this journey. I hope you all find yourselves exactly where you need to be in 2015. Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Writing Wednesdays: On Dream Agents

Since the craziness of Pitch Wars has died down, I've been thinking a lot about what I've learned that's worth sharing. I wanted to do a post about what to consider when you get an offer, but my Pitch Wars friend Rosalyn shared this amazing post which covers it better than I can.

One thing I've noticed that gets mentioned a lot in the Facebook Pitch Wars mentees group I'm a part of are "dream agents." If you're a writer, you've probably heard the term before. You probably even have one (or several). I know I did. There have been a few over the years: agents that I had decided would be the perfect person to not only represent my novel but also be a wonderful mentor, advocate, and (if I'm being honest) friend. Each of these dream agents was a female roughly my age who lived in or near New York, had a strong web-presence, and just seemed like someone I'd get along with in real life. I envisioned going up to NY for lunch together after she sold my novel. I was convinced (usually by something they said in an email to me - all of these dream agents had requested novels of mine over the years) that this person was the right fit for me. She just needed to come to her senses and realize it, already.

Then, one fateful day, one of these dream agents opened up her inbox for queries wherein a quick (and personalized) response was guaranteed. Several agents do this from time to time, even if they are usually a no-response-means-no kind of agent, or if they normally use a form rejection. This particular agent had requested two of my previous novels and both times invited me to send her my next project. So I did! I couldn't wait for that personalized request to come rolling my way.

Only it wasn't a request. It was a rejection. A pretty brutal one. A single line saying she despised one of the comps I'd used. No reference to my other novels. I'm pretty sure she stopped reading at that line (which was unfortunate because it was one of the first lines of my query). I'd gotten pretty used to rejection by that point, but this one stung. How could my dream agent fail to see that we were perfect for each other?

And that's when I realized, she wasn't my dream agent. Clearly we were not meant to be. I'd heard other wiser, more experienced writers say that there was no such thing as a dream agent. I'd heard many agents say that writers need to get over the idea. The best agent, these writers and agents said, was the agent who loved your book and wanted to work with you. And you wouldn't know who that agent was until they came along and offered to represent your novel.

And until that moment, I had believed all these wiser and more experienced people were wrong. It was actually kind of freeing to learn the truth. From then on, my search parameters changed to reputable agents who were looking for the kind of book I was writing. Period. I no longer had a specific agent in mind. That was the beauty of Pitch Wars - a bunch of agents I probably wouldn't have even considered (not because they weren't good agents - they were all fabulous! - but because they didn't necessarily fit my "dream agent" vision) saw my pitch and requested. This included male agents, agents who weren't in New York, agents who were older or younger, agents I didn't even know about, and big-shot agents I never thought would be interested in little old me. My very first offer came from an agent who didn't fit ANY of my previous dream agent criteria. Another offer came from someone who met ALL the criteria. Both agents were amazing. But the third agent ended up being the best fit.

So here's where I'd like to offer up some advice of my own: your dream agent isn't just the agent who loves your novel and wants to work with you (as anyone who has had multiple offers can tell you). The right agent is the one who loves your novel, wants to work with you, and is someone YOU click with. One person's dream agent (heck, even your own) might just not be right, for many different reasons. And that's okay.

Query widely, query smartly, be open-minded, and follow your heart. And you just might find an agent who is even better than you dreamed they'd be.