Wednesday, October 20, 2010

More Bad News

So last week sucked. Completely and totally. After two miserable days of putting Jack in day care, and picking him up with a filthy face and looking at the morons that I'd left him with, and spending 3.5-4 hours driving so I could work for 3, I decided to quit. Frankly, it doesn't feel like it was a decision. I honestly didn't feel like I had any other option. It was still one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time.
Colonel Ford asked me to finish another issue, so I spent the weekend scrambling for some sort of babysitting option for Jack. A neighbor's nanny is going to watch him for 5 hours once a week until I finish the job. There's a small chance that I could get a job at Nat Geo, but at this point what I want more than anything in the world is to be able to sell my book so I can stay home with Jack. I don't want to put him in day care, even if the job is awesome, because I don't want to miss watching him grow up. At the same time, I feel like I need an income. It's so hard being a woman sometimes!
As I predicted, the agent who had taken forever to get back to me on the partial sent me a rejection yesterday. Her email was kind but vague, so I wonder if perhaps it was actually a form letter. I also got a rejection from the agent I queried right after I wrote my last entry. I queried two more agents yesterday to keep things moving, but I'm starting to lose hope. I still have one full and one partial out, but that's it. My stats had seemed pretty good up to a point, but now the rejections are mounting and I haven't gotten any requests for materials in a while.
One slightly encouraging thing - I was looking on an agent web site yesterday, and one person said she had sent out 115 query letters and received 99 negative responses, 16 positive ones, of which two were offers of representation. Perhaps I just need to start playing the numbers more? I dunno...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Down to the Wire

First, an update: After I posted last week I received a rejection from an agency I wasn't expecting to hear from, so now I have a total of 8 rejections. Just to make myself feel better I queried another agency, but they're pretty big so I'm not counting on anything. I guess I'm getting desperate, because last Friday my boss essentially told me that if I don't put Jack in day care, I don't have a job.
If money were no object, I would quit immediately. I always told myself that I wouldn't put my baby in day care, and I certainly don't love this job enough for it to be worth it (I barely like it, truth be told). But losing my income, even if it is piddly, would make for a significant lifestyle change for us, and I'm just not ready to go there. I was so stressed about money before I had this job, and I don't want to have to feel guilty every time I buy Jack an outfit or go to Target. So I have sort of worked out a schedule, and we'll see how it goes.
Starting next week, Jack will go to day care from 10 to 4 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I really don't think he'll have a problem being there. My biggest fear is that he'll get sick a lot, which will just make everything harder for me. Hopefully his little immune system will be up to the challenge. Of course, I also have to commute to Quantico two days a week now, which is a pain in the butt. I'm also going to be spending $48 a week on day care and extra money on gas, so frankly I feel like a raise is in order. I might broach that next week, we'll see. It's been over a year so I feel like I'm due for one anyway.
My only hope is that something will happen with my book in the next couple of months, and I'll be able to quit my job and focus on my writing. I might even have Jack stay in day care for three or four hours twice a week so I could really get some work done, assuming he likes it and does well there. Not hearing from the agents is the most frustrating thing imaginable. I'm particularly nervous about the partial I sent nearly two months ago (although it did take 2 months to get a request for a full from another agency). I have this awful feeling that if the agent was really interested, they'd have gotten to it by now, but I just need to be patient. I just hate that I had to make this decision - I'd really hoped back when I got pregnant that I'd never have to work after Jack was born, and here he is almost 10 months old and I've been working the whole time.
I guess there's nothing else to do at this point but pray for a miracle...