All right folks, it's confession time. As of tomorrow, Jack will be exactly 3.5 years old. And guess what?
He's still not potty trained.
(Spoiler alert: I will be talking about "poop" for the next few minutes. Don't say I didn't warn you.)
So Jack can pee on that potty like a champ. We are diaper free all day (still using a pull-up at night, which I think is okay, right? Someone PLEASE tell me it's okay or I'm going to have to jump off the nearest bridge). He naps for two hours without a diaper with no problem; he hasn't had an accident in months. He flew to Geneva and back sans diapers (four three-hour flights). We've used countless public restrooms and his aim is award-worthy.
But when it comes to pooping, the kid simply will not use the potty. He has total and complete control of the situation. He runs in, demands a diaper, poops, and demands to be changed all within five minutes. If I withhold the diaper, he withholds the poop. For days. He pulls the ol' stiff-as-a-board maneuver once reserved for the car seat if we try to force him onto the toilet. He's so strong even John can't hold him down, and I'm guessing that duct taping him to the toilet isn't really advisable. We've tried threats, bribes, and downright begging. We've tried books, movies (I actually broke down and looked up potty training on YouTube against my better judgment; Jack was all about the kids pooping on the potty, but he'd be damned if he was going to do it himself), potty charts, and shame ("All your friends are doing it." "There are two-year-olds who can poop on the potty." "I've been changing diapers for THREE AND A HALF YEARS!!!"). But when it comes to the poop, He. Will. Not. Be. Moved.
John and I are out our wits' end. I am living under a black cloud of parental shame. I'm desperate for ideas, people. Just to give you a little bit of an idea of what we're dealing with:
While you think of solutions, I'm going to go in search of a bridge. Let me know when you come up with something.