Sunday, February 20, 2011
Yesterday was a rough day, as I said. I was feeling really down about my book (all it takes these days is five minutes in Barnes and Noble for me to start feeling sorry for myself) and John and I had a stupid argument, and I was irrationally upset that we couldn't go to the zoo because of the high winds. I vowed to make today a better day, and it was, although I had a migraine-quality headache this afternoon after a trip to the Textile Museum to see the ikat exhibit with E and S. At any rate, John tapes Frontline and always tries to get me to watch it, and I usually don't because it ends up being depressing. Well, tonight was no exception. The show was about the illegal sex-slave trade in Eastern Europe, and after an hour of listening to the horrible things that happen to these poor young women, the show ended on a particularly dismal note. After seeing something like that, it's hard not to feel like a wretch for whining and complaining about not being able to get a book published. I need to remind myself more often that not having my wildest dreams come true does not constitute a crisis, or even reason for complaint. Part of me is absolutely terrified that if John does get the Foreign Service, we'll end up in a place like Moldova. I'll get sold into the sex trade, Jack will be sold into slavery, and that will be the end of us. Then I think, maybe that's the kind of perspective I need in my life (not being sold into slavery, obviously). We'd actually have a chance to make a difference in a country that needs it; yes, there are far more glamorous (and safer) countries, but that's not really the point. Whatever happens, I know we'll make the best of it. In the meantime, I need to start being a little more appreciative of what I do have, and stop worrying so much about what I don't have.
Today, I'm grateful for a husband who runs a marathon in the morning (just for training), then comes home and watches Jack and buys groceries so I can go out to lunch with my friends, and then makes a delicious dinner for us.
Oh, and the headache is finally gone :)